June is pride month, a month for people to be proud of who they are. Each week I have decided to blog about my lgbt+ experiences. I’ll be honest for years the majority of my anxiety came from who I was and what people thought of me for being gay. Yes, I finally said it to a group of strangers, I. Am. Gay. You know what I honestly don’t care anymore how people see me. I am happy, I am proud and I have a life partner I could not live without.
I use to sit in my room and think how would my life affect my father’s career that he has worked so hard for. I would think about what my family would think and if they would accept me the same way they did years ago. I use to cry thinking I would lose everyone I loved for being who I was. My religion didn’t play a big role in my anxiety about being gay surprisingly, I leaned on my faith and somehow knew that it would all work out.
Fast forward to 2014 when I finally came out to my parents, and as I hoped they would be they were supporting tho not completely understanding but said they would be there for me. My story isn’t as rough as some members of the alphabet mafia I have heard I know that. I am thankful to have a supportive family and friends. As the years passed I became more confident in myself. I lost 40 pounds and started going to the gym and eating healthier which helped me fight my anxiety about my worried of how people still saw me.
In 2017 I met Chris, we had lunch and ended up spending 3 hours together and for there we slowly got to know each other. Chris was one of the first people to see my panic attacks in person and I feared her say this dude is a mess and I’m out! However, four years later we are still partners, and everyone and again I have attacks and he’s right there with me. Having him as a support system has meant so much, him pushing me to be a better person. We love trading and wine tasting, finding the best tacos in a new city and playing with our pup!
Accepting myself has made my life much more enjoyable and a little more stress-free. Loving yourself has to come first or nothing else can fall into place. Every person in the alphabet mafia has gone through the same thing you are going through now. We have stressed over losing people and how people look at us. We have cried over what our life is going to be like, I urge you to talk to someone you trust will be there for you. No matter if it’s a family member, a best friend, a Facebook group dedicated to lgbt+ community members that will help you. Some suffer alone.
I know what it is like to suffer alone, I understand how hard it is. I also know that if I had reached out sooner to a really good friend he would have helped me through it and was mad to find out I suffered alone. Remember to be proud as fuck of who you are in your own time when you know you are comfortable and stable enough to come out to those you care about. Remember, you are amazing and you are loved by so many people out there supporting you that you haven’t even met yet!
If one of you awesome people are struggling please use this link to seek out help and someone to talk to! https://www.thetrevorproject.org Remember it’s okay not to be okay, but sometimes we just need someone to talk to!
The Anxious Gent 