Have you ever been in public and this rush of anxiety hits you out of no where? Well, that was me in the gym today when I was just in the middle of my workout and it hit me out of nowhere. The fear, I started breathing heavy and fast, breathe Michael I told myself. I start counting the floor tiles one by one, tile after tile, my hands are going numb. I look around, is anyone noticing me? Has anyone stopped their workout because of me? No one is looking thank goodness.
So I walk to the water fountains, counting my steps as I walk. Counting is something I have found that helps me when I need to slow my breathing. I get to the fountain take a sip of water, okay I think I feel better. Then the second wave hits, I head to the squat rack taking my time and squatting one by one, counting in a slow movement breathe. After my set I take a moment my hands are shaking, my hands are white like a sheet of paper.
At this point I am trying to decide, do I keep the workout up or do I leave? Do I prove to myself I can fight this? Do I prove to be a fighter and not one that runs back to my bed where I truly want to be? I decided to fight, I load the rack and I start my front squats. I am feeling better I am watching my form and not thinking about what’s racing through my head.
I end up making it all but 10 mins left of my workout, I grab my stuff and bolt out the door. When I get in my truck that’s when it fully hits me, I go into a full blown attack. My chest is caving in, my breathing starts to become rapid again and I cry. I think about my future, my job, the avocado toast I have for breakfast, and the fact I added a little too much seasoning. I got myself together and I drive home. I take a long shower. I talk to the Lord and ask him to give me strength pop a can’t and head to work.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I feel better when I write, and who knows I might help someone by writing this that’s also having a bad start to the day. Remember it’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to not be okay! There is others out there struggling just as you are and we are in this fight together.
The Anxious Gent 